Spurs Slash Fiction?

8 Nov

I got to thinking.  Does footballer Slash fiction exist?  It must do.  There’s nary a more homoerotic activity.  Dare I go look for some?  No.  Dare I speculate about what it might look like?  Of course.

Here I have inserted our players’ names into another popular slash-fiction – can you guess which?


GARETH BALE felt his leg.  It was broken.

‘We’re completely sealed in!’  MICHAEL DAWSON was frantically clawing at the rock.  ‘GARETH BALE it’s no use!  We’re going to die down here!’

‘Relax, we just need to stay calm, RAFAEL VAN DER VAART knows where we are.  If there’s anyone we can rely on it’s RAFAEL VAN DER VAART.’

‘You’re right.  You’re right.  Stay calm.  Stay calm.’

‘You are calm, yeah?  You’re not just freaking out quietly?’  GARETH BALE asked.

‘No.  I’m calm.  It’s just…’  MICHAEL DAWSON looked at GARETH BALE for a moment then looked away.

‘Just what?’

MICHAEL DAWSON finally turned to face him.  His ginger hair was a mess. ‘Just…’  He trailed off but raised his wand nervously.


GARETH BALE’s Gryffindor robes vanished in a flash and he was left completely naked.

‘What are you doing?!’

GARETH BALE raised his wand to undo the spell.

‘Expelliarmus!’  MICHAEL DAWSON sent GARETH BALE’s wand flying away across the cave before he could restore his robes.

The two friends looked at each other in stunned silence then MICHAEL DAWSON screwed his face up in horror at what he’d done.  GARETH BALE smiled.

‘It’s ok, it’s ok, I just had to know you were into this.’

‘What?  Huh?  I…?’  MICHAEL DAWSON stammered.

GARETH BALE beckoned him close.  ‘Come.’

MICHAEL DAWSON approached nervously. ‘You know, I can fix your leg.’

‘Leave it broken.’  GARETH BALE winked at his friend.

‘Ok, but just let me… Occulus reparo!’

GARETH BALE’s glasses clicked smartly back together, the crack gone.

‘Thanks.’  He whispered softly.  ‘I wouldn’t want to miss a thing.’


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